View From a Cubicle SOLI 1

I have a very hard time thinking about lovingkindness at work.

In my pressure-cooker job, it is easy for me to get caught up in all the crap that is so very far removed from anything spiritual: stress, frustration, coworkers I don't like, coworkers who don't like me, an unending pile of work that never seems to end, projects from hell, on and on and on. Most of the time it feels like diving into a deep, long tunnel. When I surface at the end of the day, I'm drained. I go home and spend my evening preparing for more of the same the next day.

Tonight is one of those nights, when I am so tired I can hardly think straight. But my playlist for the Zumba class I'll teach tomorrow is ready, and my lunch is made & in the refrigerator. In a minute I'll go pack the gym bag so it's ready and then take my shower. (I like de-stickifying in the evenings when it is such hot humid weather, it helps me sleep better.)

So instead of writing about ME in the workplace, I want to write about my friend and coworker Katie. I admire Katie a lot. She is one of the kindest and most patient people I know. When people around her are getting confused and tense, she is good at helping them have hope. She sees the person behind the emotion and frustration, and ministers to each of us.

I wish I was more like her. I wish I could readily find that place in myself, the wellspring of light, that would carry me through my days with more grace.

Here's a memory that helps me sometimes: I was returning home (Spokane, then) from a spiritual retreat on Maui that unlocked all sorts of stuff for me. I had arrived in San Francisco hours before my flight out, so I went to my gate and napped for a while. When I woke up, I sat up and looked around. Incredibly, I saw with what seemed to be my physical vision, a radiant star of light shining from the heart chakra of every person in sight. It was so beautiful. The light wasn't brighter or dimmer on anyone, or obscured by clothing, and I knew intuitively that it was the light of divine connection shining out to the world. I just sat and joyfully watched people walk around with these beautiful lights until finally after while the vision faded.

I can't explain what happened that day. But every time I remember it I am reminded that each and every one of us is a holy being, bumbling around in the world as best we can. So maybe tomorrow I will spend a little time before work connecting with that divine light within me, and pray for grace and love and kindness to get me through my day.