Scary Things

The scariest things I've ever done have all felt like plunging into fire. Terrifying to contemplate, requiring huge amounts of courage, leaping forward with eyes closed, waiting for the burn. But fire applied to the spirit is like a reducing torch applied to metal; it strips away all but the essence, the truth of me. I am refined, not consumed, by daring.

So what about all the things I chicken out from? How often do I believe fear when she whispers in my ear about "being realistic" or "being responsible" or "too risky" or "why bother"? Little by little over the last few years I have allowed myself to contract, pull back, shrink farther and farther away from the lovely terrifying fire. Yet it still calls to me, and I find I have still a little spark inside that has not been smothered.

So: this blog. I want to fan that spark, find fuel for it. Nurture it by exposing it to the open air just a little. Writing has always been one of my best tools, and really this is just a step up from the morning pages that I have (more or less) faithfully written for over 15 years now. The idea that someone someday might read this helps me have some accountability. I do not want to be an eternal whiner about what I could accomplish if only...

As I get more familiar with this medium, I will mold the look more to my personal taste.

And I'm laughing at myself now, as I search for the "perfect" closing sentence, the "zinger" that would wow ME if I were the one reading it. Enough already. Time to head to the gym.