Bye-Bye, Blogger, Hello Wordpress

I have decided to take a tiny step toward independence and move from Blogger to Wordpress, hosted on my own domain. Fortunately, I'm just geeky enough to be able to make it work.

So this is my last post on this blog site.

If you are currently following me here, I invite you to follow on over to my new site, http://silvergrrl.com. It is still VERY much in the formative stages, as I explore how to get Wordpress to make my pages look the way I want. I've pulled over my favorite blog posts from here to there and am exploring the world of widgets.

Keeping Busy

I have been very busy this summer. Between work & fitness instructor stuff, I'm very much a a human DOING rather than a human BEING right now.

This seems like it should be good thing, doesn't it? After all "idle hands are the devil's playthings." BUT what it really feels like is a distraction. Or like if I didn't give myself these external goals, I wouldn't accomplish anything at all. And I have to ask myself who would I be without them?

I've been here before. When we moved to Maui in 1995, almost everything I defined myself by got stripped away. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done. But it gave me the space to figure out who I am once all that other stuff was gone. When I came back to the mainland and corporate world, it was much more on my terms instead of theirs. Now I'm a little afraid that the pendulum has swung back the other way. My husband is an excellent balance for me, as he works for himself. He keeps me from going off the deep end. However, only I can be me.

I am feeling a strong urge to reclaim my life. I have one more exam coming up in two weeks (STOTT Pilates Matwork) and then I can take a breath.

I have always been a loner

I am totally amazed that I have been happily married for nearly 18 years. How on earth does he put up with me?

Here's the thing: I am totally retarded at relationships once they get past a certain level of closeness. I just don't get how emotional intimacy works except with a very few people. Plus I seem to have an instinct for choosing friends with psycho streaks that end up dooming the friendship. When their crazy point hits mine, cablooey! Hmmm. That might all be related, yes?

Perhaps there's nothing wrong with having only a few close friends, but it feels very lonely sometimes. All I can say is that fundamentally, it's how I am. I am recharged by solitude. I like it.

I think it's why I like Twitter better than Facebook. It's more interesting and less connected, if you will, at least for me, and I like it that way.

And yet, still, I want more companionship than I have. I need to get involved with --- something. That fits my schedule and is fun, no responsibilities. God knows I have enough of those already. I think maybe I'll check out the local drum circle that meets on Friday evenings. I know some of the people who do that. Get my husband to go with me, he knows some of that crowd too.

I will keep you posted.

What Makes a Home? or, can I really learn Spanish in my 50s?

My husband and I just took a trip to Costa Rica. Aside from being a VERY much-needed vacation, we were traveling with an eye to potential retirement a few more years down the road.

There is nothing like getting your feet on the ground somewhere to feed thought processes.We lived in Hawaii for several years, so I know what it's like, at least on some level, to live in the tropics. But Hawaii is part of America, and everyone speaks English. I'm daunted by the thought of moving somewhere that requires a new language.

Now, many Americans live in Costa Rica and don't learn Spanish. They live in "gringo neighborhoods", or hang out mostly with other ex-pats. Personally, I can't imagine that. It would be way too isolating. Many Costa Ricans speak some English, but not that much. How could you enjoy people you can't talk to, or participate fully in the culture?

So while I ponder uprooting myself yet again, I signed up for LoMasTv.com and I am enjoying the little beginner videos. And I am following some Costa Rican Twitter accts, and painstakingly translating their tweets as best I can.

So adios for now, I have to go tend the black beans I am making for Gallo Pinto. That would be Costa Rican black beans & rice - too yummy!!

My trip to the Vet - by Grrrkitty

I am stealing Mom's blog again to talk about my trip to the vet today. It's way too much for tweeting!!

I went because I hurt my left rear leg back in April, and I have been limping ever since. The X-rays did not show a break, but did show that there is a problem with my knee. The diagnosis was ruptured anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) and meniscal tear. This kind of injury doesn't really heal itself without surgery.

So today I went to the vet that would do the surgery, if I have it. He checked my general health to make sure I am healthy enough for the surgery (I am!), then he had to check the joint. Ouch! So Kyle the nice veterinary assistant held me while the vet moved the joint around - we were afraid it would REALLY hurt! But you know what? All I did was fwip my tail and meow a couple of times. So now Mom & Dad know that I am not in very much pain, which made them feel better. The vet said I'm limping mostly because the joint is unstable, and I know not to put too much weight on it.

So what to do? The surgery would help stabilize the joint, but might not fix the limp. I'm actually getting around pretty well, I can even run through the house and play with my catnip mouse. The vet also said that in cases like mine, sometimes after a few months enough scar tissue forms around the injury to stabilize on its own WITHOUT surgery.

But another thing we saw in the X-ray are some arthritic changes in the OTHER knee, which so far is OK. But if it also gets a problem, then I would have problems in both legs which would not be good. Or if I blimp up and get obese (I am a svelte 7.5 lbs) then I would also have more problems.

So Mom & Dad are thinking over what the vet said so they can make the best decision.Fortunately there is no hurry.

Have you read STiLL ALiCE ??

I just finished reading - devouring, actually - the novel STiLL ALiCE by Lisa Genova. It is the story, told from Alice's point of view, of her descent into Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease.

I don't remember being this affected by a book in a very long time. I fear few things as much as I fear losing myself. This particular disease is a very scary bogeyman in my closet. Thankfully, no one in my family has it, so I am spared the genetic haunts.

SPOILER ALERT

But here's the thing that has me in its grip right now. In the story, before she is too far gone, Alice sets up an "out" for herself and a way to remember to use it. Her reminding method ultimately fails, but she stumbles across the letter she wrote to herself and goes to carry out the plan. What's clear to the reader is that her husband John found the "out" and disposed of it at some prior point in time. Alice is too far gone to care or even remember that she found the letter or tried to carry out the plan.

And that's not even the bitter part for me. The bitter part is that after he eliminates her escape plan, he ultimately can't bear to stick around and watch the end. I am struggling to find sympathy in me for his character when I feel he has betrayed her - that he exposed himself as a coward and hypocrite. Not to mention being unwilling to honor her wishes, expressed when she was still of sound mind. He makes some comments to their children about Alice's "unilateral decision" that didn't get carried out, but he made one of his own without talking to the rest of the family.

What's right? How do we come to grips with these most painful of decisions? Is it possible to make good decisions about when suicide will be the good option? Is loss of self sufficient grounds? Was John right to do what he did? How can we care for our loved ones in the face of this kind of pain? As an aside, I have NOT had to deal with any sort of dementia in my immediate family. At least not yet.After reading this book, I sort of think watching a loved one go into that dark night would be worse than going there myself.

If you have read this book, I welcome your comments about these and any other issues raised in it.

The B**ch is Back - Growly Girl Earns Her Name

Hi there! I am hijacking Mom's blog to give all my friends this update cuz there are just too many lovely twitter pals that I want to share with.

I am feeling much better today. When mom came home tonight and gave me my meds, I GROWLED and GROWLED at her! Yucky meds! (Just so you know, I never bite or scratch but I do growl - a lot - when I am cranky). My leg is still swollen some but I can put some weight on it now and I am moving around the house a lot more.

Mom and I are very grateful for all the healing paws and purrs, and pawcircles, and prayers and good wishes from you, my Twitter friends. You are the bestest friends a little cat could have!

Hopefully the swelling will go down soon, but I still have EIGHT more days of antibiotics to go. I will keep you posted on my progress.

Love,
@grrrkitty